Jan 14 2018,
Dear Mom,
Last night, I had a babysitter. I had planned to take Shaun on a surprise date night, not realizing he was changing his schedule to 10-4 (so we can have more TIME together as a family), so he won't be home until Wednesday night. After a week of being inside with sick kids, I promised myself that I would keep the sitter and just find something to do.
I ended up going for a latte with my sitter's adoptive Mother, a former teacher, and friend. As we chatted, about parenting, life, relationships, we laughed and we cried. I found myself repeatedly sharing stories about my kids, things they say, that make me PROUD and truly SHOW that I AM a good mother, but more than that, I found that I was recognizing JUST how much of YOU there is in ME. Just how much of an influence you have played in how I parent my children....the effort I make.....the lessons I teach them.....the things that I do, that I learned from you, just because you were being YOU.
I recognized that you were always the person to SEE the underdog. To take them under your wing and love them. To love them when no one else would. I see that I CARE for others and want to help others all the time....a life lesson that I learned from you.
I recognized that I play a part in the way my kids' days go. That I set the tone right from the get go in the morning. I have fond memories of having the best starts to my day. Music playing, Mom laughing, Mom and Dad both at the table, a family unit, filled with love. Dinner time was story telling, sharing about our day and I SEE that that is why I LONG for moments like that TOGETHER with my family.
I could FEEL through my story sharing last night, that I learned to be HARD on myself....but not TOO hard on myself through you. You picked me up and pushed me when I doubted myself. But....you were also there to help me ease up on myself when I was TOO hard on myself and crushing my SOUL with pressure. You provided the PERFECT balance of TOUGH LOVE and COMPASSION, while not often recognized as such in the moment, or at least not right away, as a sign of your LOVE for me. Your DESIRE to see me excel, to push me to be the best version or me, but also to help me not crumble and give up on myself or push too hard. I can see the times that you have tried to show me love, with YOUR best heart, your best love, your best self, while I took it the wrong way, got mad, frustrated......felt like you just didnt get it.
BUT I GET IT NOW - I SEE IT - I FEEL IT! As a MOM, as a parent who would do ANYTHING for my children......who wants to protect them from failure, from making the same mistakes I did, while loving them in the best way I KNOW, but also seeing how I can be misunderstood and misrepresented by them.
I GET IT NOW - I SEE IT - I see how my love for them can seem like GUILT - like I'm trying to explain life lessons through sharing my feelings and emotions - talking about how hard it is to do it all, needing their help, and getting so upset sometimes - KNOWING I'm making them feel BAD, but not to make them feel bad....with the goal of teaching them, showing them, helping them to SEE - to learn, to understand and APPRECIATE.
Mom, I can see that I learned my work ethic from you (and Dad). To push through even when times are tough. To pick myself up and keep on going. To do it no matter what. To continue to do my best with all my heart even if it feels like I am not valued or appreciated. The stories and open dialogue at dinner times - knowing that you were hurting - that times weren't great at work, but you still showed up and gave your best ever day to the clients. The ones who no one else would love.
I learned my drive - my endless desire to learn more and do more.......from you. When a wall goes up, you find a way around it. You never stop. You never sit. You are always on the hunt for what you can do better, more of, and just continuously improve.
I learned the value of role reversal whereby the man didn't do it all. YOU DID IT ALL. Not saying Dad didn't DO stuff, but with his back, you often did both roles and tore down the notion of roles in the household. You showed me what it was to leave gender behind and just be STRONG......physically, emotionally, mentally.
Speaking of which......I've seen you go through seasons of life - watching your Mom fade away - hurting So deeply but continuing to advocate for her, love her even when she didnt know who you were.......you wore a shield - that was the perfect protection but also the most vulnerable form of protection sharing just the right amount of stuff with me.
Mom, I SEE YOU. I see what you gave up for me. Your TIME with Dad and with Jeremy. Your money. Your social life. Your freedom. You gave me everything. You spent countless days in a waiting room with other parents of kids who wanted nothing more than to dance. You kept my schedule, my costumes, the hotels, the trips, the planning, the PLANNING....all the "stuff" that it takes behind the scenes to make it all go off without a hitch. YOU DID THAT. With Dad's support......you made MY dream come true, while sacrificing EVERYTHING.
Our family often went without so that I could pursue what I loved. FOR THAT, I will forever be eternally grateful.
MOM, I SEE YOU and I KNOW how hard it is to be a parent. I know there is no blue print. No manual on how to do it "right". There is no RIGHT.
I KNOW that it was hard, and you ROCKED THE SHIT OUT OF IT!. With your Mom far away, only paid help (like me).....you did it and you laid an incredible foundation upon which I build my LIFE and continue to raise my kids on.
MOM, I SEE YOU.......and I KNOW that you did your best, as I do mine. Despite the tough times...the hurdles....the emotional turmoil and physical exhaustion you just kept going and you still do.
Mom, THANK YOU, and I'm SORRY. I had no idea how hard this was......how much a Mom does......and how isolating and ALONE it can be.
This is BY FAR the greatest gift I've ever received. The gift of MOM that I can SHARE now with MY MOM and be able to fully explain and tell you just how much I appreciate you and all that you are, have been, and will continue to be for me and my girls.
THIS GIFT - the Mommy club - the sorrys and thank yous.........
I'm just so thankful that I have a CHANCE to FEEL this and share it with you NOW.......while you're HERE and while we can make more memories and continue to strengthen our relationship on earth!
MOM.......
THANK YOU.....
and I'm sorry!
.......to be continued.
I love you,
Alida
Dear Mom,
Last night, I had a babysitter. I had planned to take Shaun on a surprise date night, not realizing he was changing his schedule to 10-4 (so we can have more TIME together as a family), so he won't be home until Wednesday night. After a week of being inside with sick kids, I promised myself that I would keep the sitter and just find something to do.
I ended up going for a latte with my sitter's adoptive Mother, a former teacher, and friend. As we chatted, about parenting, life, relationships, we laughed and we cried. I found myself repeatedly sharing stories about my kids, things they say, that make me PROUD and truly SHOW that I AM a good mother, but more than that, I found that I was recognizing JUST how much of YOU there is in ME. Just how much of an influence you have played in how I parent my children....the effort I make.....the lessons I teach them.....the things that I do, that I learned from you, just because you were being YOU.
I recognized that you were always the person to SEE the underdog. To take them under your wing and love them. To love them when no one else would. I see that I CARE for others and want to help others all the time....a life lesson that I learned from you.
I recognized that I play a part in the way my kids' days go. That I set the tone right from the get go in the morning. I have fond memories of having the best starts to my day. Music playing, Mom laughing, Mom and Dad both at the table, a family unit, filled with love. Dinner time was story telling, sharing about our day and I SEE that that is why I LONG for moments like that TOGETHER with my family.
I could FEEL through my story sharing last night, that I learned to be HARD on myself....but not TOO hard on myself through you. You picked me up and pushed me when I doubted myself. But....you were also there to help me ease up on myself when I was TOO hard on myself and crushing my SOUL with pressure. You provided the PERFECT balance of TOUGH LOVE and COMPASSION, while not often recognized as such in the moment, or at least not right away, as a sign of your LOVE for me. Your DESIRE to see me excel, to push me to be the best version or me, but also to help me not crumble and give up on myself or push too hard. I can see the times that you have tried to show me love, with YOUR best heart, your best love, your best self, while I took it the wrong way, got mad, frustrated......felt like you just didnt get it.
BUT I GET IT NOW - I SEE IT - I FEEL IT! As a MOM, as a parent who would do ANYTHING for my children......who wants to protect them from failure, from making the same mistakes I did, while loving them in the best way I KNOW, but also seeing how I can be misunderstood and misrepresented by them.
I GET IT NOW - I SEE IT - I see how my love for them can seem like GUILT - like I'm trying to explain life lessons through sharing my feelings and emotions - talking about how hard it is to do it all, needing their help, and getting so upset sometimes - KNOWING I'm making them feel BAD, but not to make them feel bad....with the goal of teaching them, showing them, helping them to SEE - to learn, to understand and APPRECIATE.
Mom, I can see that I learned my work ethic from you (and Dad). To push through even when times are tough. To pick myself up and keep on going. To do it no matter what. To continue to do my best with all my heart even if it feels like I am not valued or appreciated. The stories and open dialogue at dinner times - knowing that you were hurting - that times weren't great at work, but you still showed up and gave your best ever day to the clients. The ones who no one else would love.
I learned my drive - my endless desire to learn more and do more.......from you. When a wall goes up, you find a way around it. You never stop. You never sit. You are always on the hunt for what you can do better, more of, and just continuously improve.
I learned the value of role reversal whereby the man didn't do it all. YOU DID IT ALL. Not saying Dad didn't DO stuff, but with his back, you often did both roles and tore down the notion of roles in the household. You showed me what it was to leave gender behind and just be STRONG......physically, emotionally, mentally.
Speaking of which......I've seen you go through seasons of life - watching your Mom fade away - hurting So deeply but continuing to advocate for her, love her even when she didnt know who you were.......you wore a shield - that was the perfect protection but also the most vulnerable form of protection sharing just the right amount of stuff with me.
Mom, I SEE YOU. I see what you gave up for me. Your TIME with Dad and with Jeremy. Your money. Your social life. Your freedom. You gave me everything. You spent countless days in a waiting room with other parents of kids who wanted nothing more than to dance. You kept my schedule, my costumes, the hotels, the trips, the planning, the PLANNING....all the "stuff" that it takes behind the scenes to make it all go off without a hitch. YOU DID THAT. With Dad's support......you made MY dream come true, while sacrificing EVERYTHING.
Our family often went without so that I could pursue what I loved. FOR THAT, I will forever be eternally grateful.
MOM, I SEE YOU and I KNOW how hard it is to be a parent. I know there is no blue print. No manual on how to do it "right". There is no RIGHT.
I KNOW that it was hard, and you ROCKED THE SHIT OUT OF IT!. With your Mom far away, only paid help (like me).....you did it and you laid an incredible foundation upon which I build my LIFE and continue to raise my kids on.
MOM, I SEE YOU.......and I KNOW that you did your best, as I do mine. Despite the tough times...the hurdles....the emotional turmoil and physical exhaustion you just kept going and you still do.
Mom, THANK YOU, and I'm SORRY. I had no idea how hard this was......how much a Mom does......and how isolating and ALONE it can be.
This is BY FAR the greatest gift I've ever received. The gift of MOM that I can SHARE now with MY MOM and be able to fully explain and tell you just how much I appreciate you and all that you are, have been, and will continue to be for me and my girls.
THIS GIFT - the Mommy club - the sorrys and thank yous.........
I'm just so thankful that I have a CHANCE to FEEL this and share it with you NOW.......while you're HERE and while we can make more memories and continue to strengthen our relationship on earth!
MOM.......
THANK YOU.....
and I'm sorry!
.......to be continued.
I love you,
Alida
